When Life Doesn't Go According to Plan

My mom might read this and say, "Short version, Staci." I've had a habit of very detailed stories since I was a kid... For the lengthy Staci version... Here we go!

Summer 2016.

I found myself needing to sleep so much that I couldn't stay awake during the day. I consulted with my mom and remember telling her multiple times, I just feel like there's something wrong with me. Then one morning I woke up and the world was spinning. I didn't know then I would become so familiar with the word vertigo.

Vertigo-ed tree

It was so bad I felt like I was going to fall out of bed while lying completely still. The nausea was awful and I was scared. My doctor wouldn't see me (he said he "doesn't do vertigo") so mom took me to the ER. The doctor there saw some fluid in my ears so they referred me to an ENT. Two days later I saw an ENT (ear/nose/throat doctor) who prescribed me allergy meds and sent me on my way. The vertigo did go away, which I was grateful for.

Then on Christmas Eve I woke up and the vertigo had returned. The next day dad looked up some videos on YouTube and found the infamous "Epley Maneuver," a vertigo exercise. I was super skeptical but was willing to try anything. Amazingly after doing the exercise I felt better immediately! It was like voodoo.

My problem went away for almost a year, only to return about 5 weeks ago. I woke up one Saturday morning with everything around me spinning. I tried to get up but the nausea hit me hard. Dackota came to help me - we tried the Epley maneuver but I was so nauseous I couldn't continue. Thank goodness for anti-nausea medicine! I rested most of the day and it went away.

Two Saturdays ago I woke up yet again, the same spinning. Again the Epleys did not work. I was able to go to church the next day but once I got back home the dizziness came back. I could feel the discouragement creeping in...

Dackota encouraged me to use our online doctor service. I wasn't sure about it but he has good ideas so I went for it. I talked to a provider on video chat and explained my history with vertigo. She said I should be going to a physical therapist for vertigo, not an ENT. It was new information and I felt relieved there was something else to try.

The next day I was searching through physical therapists on my insurance page and nothing clicked. I googled "vertigo help in Scottsdale." I found a physical therapy office, called the next morning, and they were able to get me in at the end of the day.

The PT was amazing. It was the first time I felt validated in this crazy thing happening to my body. He explained the way crystals become loose in your ear and get stuck in your ear canals, causing vertigo. He spent a lot of time with me, doing various exercises, watching my eyes shift back and forth (the only cool part about vertigo + exercises), etc.

He recommended another PT who specializes in vertigo if it came back. I made an appointment for the next Tuesday (the soonest they could get me in). Thursday morning I was putting on my shoes in my closet when I literally just fell over on my side. I did the Epley maneuver and must have made it worse, causing extreme nausea, body heat, and a migraine. I saw the original PT and the next morning the specialist's office said they had a cancellation and could get me in.

I was thrilled that I would finally get some answers! I thought this was it - this was how I was going to learn how to not have vertigo.

By the time I made it to the specialist my vertigo had passed. He told me he believes I have Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo (BPPV), a vestibular disorder. There is no known cause = no prevention. Once the crystals are loose in your ear once, the more it can happen. BPPV can only be treated when the vertigo is present.

My heart sunk. I was so completely disappointed and frustrated that this was it. That's all I got. Us humans find resolution in knowing "what is wrong with us." When we have a headache we take ibuprofen for pain relief. When we have a chemical imbalance we take medicine to help balance us out.

Long story short... I'm sharing all this to tell you what I learned.

• Don't stop checking your resources.
• Research, research, research. Google, word of mouth, different doctors, etc. Whatever it takes to get second, third, and fourth opinions to help us. We never know what might be the catalyst for help. For me it was a doctor on video chat!

• We can become stronger as a result of our challenges and hard times.
• I was a mess the first time I experienced vertigo. But each time after that I've gotten better at accepting the situation for what it is. I was able to relax more and take things bit by bit. Like with most things, practice makes progress. Actively trying increases our strength and ability to handle what life throws at us.

• We need others to support and love us through it.
• On my worst day of vertigo last week my Dad said, "Mom and I are behind you guys 100%." Such a simple phrase held such power to me in that moment. It assured me I wasn't a burden, but loved immensely and supported unconditionally. Mom and dad still take care of me, even though I'm almost 27!
• I was filled with such despair that this was my life now: no control, no strength. When Dackota got home I immediately felt calm and comforted. He has a way of knowing things will work out no matter what. He never gets upset when I don't feel good and always tells me, It's not your fault. His faith helps me through hard times.

• Things we don't choose/want in life have a way of pointing out the good.
• I've been soaking up the good moments this last week, and even the mundane ones. I catch myself in the middle of appreciating a moment, thinking, I could have gotten vertigo this morning but instead I have control over my day. Having had bed-ridden days and knowing I could have one at any time really makes me appreciate the good and motivates me to do what I can while I'm feeling well.

Again, I know that others are struggling far worse than I have and probably ever will. But I'll be honest, I'm a wimp! Dackota reassured me that I have so much good to offer the world, that there are so many people I'm already helping. I am needed and loved. Vertigo (or anything else I don't have control over, really) does not define me.

Remember that when you are struggling: you are needed and loved. You have more good to offer than bad. Our minds automatically focus on the negative, sometimes even more so when it comes to ourselves. Learn to accept what you can't control, change what you can, and make peace with it. Know that you are worthy of love no matter what.