Our bodies are not meant to be perfect... Yet.
About a year ago I found myself feeling pretty sorry for myself one evening. My vision was changing every 4 months since August 2018 when it originally took a downward turn. And every time it changed, the headaches and dizziness came with it.
Each day that I waited for my new glasses wore on me physically, mostly in the evening hours when the headaches would get worse. I was grieving the loss of my healthy, unchanging eyes. I remember what I said as my husband held me: "My vision changing every 4 months makes me so angry, but now that I know this is the cause of my symptoms I know I can handle it even though I don't like it. It's the thought of it getting worse or changing in the future that I don't think I can handle."
Here we are, one year later, and my vision has changed every month this summer. Every month!
I've learned to trust myself, though. I've lost count of how many eye appointments I've had the last couple years, but every time I get my exam my suspicions are always right and my vision has indeed changed. I'm getting so good at this now that I can even predict which eye(s) has gotten better or worse. Go me!
Sometimes I have this thought that I should just become an eye doctor so I can test my own eyes as needed. It could save a lot of worry and waiting in the long run, I think. But, that is not my passion. This is my burden.
My passion is helping others through my own trials and growth to learn and grow through their own trials. And that is why I write. The drive behind my writing is a hope, maybe even a mission, to help at least one person know he or she is not alone. And so, this is my message:
You are not alone in mourning the loss of a part of you that you loved and maybe even took for granted without realizing it, until it was gone. You are not alone in worrying that things might get worse. You are not alone in holding on to those glimmers of hope you get from learning more and being helped by patient, caring loved ones and professionals. You are not alone in trying to adapt to a new normal, all while trying to balance the already existing complexities of life and current plans. You are not alone in fearing the unknown, wondering if that unknown might someday get in the way of your goals and dreams. You are not alone in your struggles.
It is in sharing our experiences and caring for each other that gets us through the hard times. I am grateful for my support team around me who gets me through the sorrow I sometimes feel.
As a wise friend recently reminded me: Our bodies are not meant to be perfect [in this life]. And that's kind of the point. To struggle so that we might grow. To feel pain so that we might know joy. To know burden, so that we may feel peace. To believe that, someday, all will be restored again.
"Every time the ache fades and smiling gets easier it's like coming up for air. We cannot recognize one without the other... The light comes, even after the ache threatens to consume..."
(Quoted from @thelindsayreport on Instagram)
