My illness right now gets worse as the day progresses and various things trigger or exacerbate the dizziness: visually demanding environments, bright lights, movement, driving, etc. I lasted one minute on the trampolines and I was done for the night. But the girls were laughing and running around and having a great time and that made me happy.
I don't think kids are aware of many things we adults are. They don't understand worrying about this and that or if we don't feel well inside. What they do notice, though, is when you give them your time. According to me I was not a fun aunt that night. But grandma told me later, according to Adelaide, "No matter what we do with Staci it is so so fun!" We should be there for them, as much as we can, even if we feel crappy and scared inside. Their memories with us might last forever, but our trials and hard times will not (at least I hope not).
Adelaide goes rock climbing with her dad so we got her on the climbing section. And I had a moment with her that felt so inspiring. The last climb she wanted to do was the one all the other kids were doing. Now normally she's bouncing up and down and all around, constantly talking up a storm. But she hopped in line and was so patient, so calm waiting for her turn. I stood by, admiring her. All the other kids were clearly bigger and taller than she was but she didn't even seem to notice. She stood there with such confidence and bravery (hands on her hips!).
On most days she's a "princess" and likes princess things - wearing dresses, having pretty hair, all the girly stuff. But in this moment she seemed so fierce, I might have said she was a little warrior princess.
I recalled a quote I had read earlier that day: Inhale courage, exhale fear.
Seeing Adelaide be so brave, so naturally, I wondered why I can't do that. I can't tell you that all of a sudden I'm brave now. But I can tell you I made a goal right there to try to be more childlike! To strengthen my faith, to try as hard as I can to inhale courage, exhale fear.
This week I've realized even more that we all need hope. We all need to know that somehow, someway, everything is going to be okay. Without hope feelings of despair and loneliness can easily swoop in. Fight hard, learn what you can, and hold on to hope.
I love this little Adelaide. Parts of her remind me of myself and she makes me feel like I can be brave in the face of scary or hopeless times. (Thank you, siblings, for having kids so I can be their aunt!)
Adelaide, maybe you'll read this someday and if you do... I love you. I love you for the silly, smart things you say all the time, things I write down and want to remember for forever. You are beautiful not just because you're a princess but because you are kind and you make those of us around you feel loved and special. You tell great stories and give great snuggles. Keep being brave, my sweet Adelaide.
Us on our date. I got stabbed by her unicorn horn more than once :D
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